Watching Grandmomma

The backstory 

Close to a year ago, my husband's mom suffered a fairly significant stroke. She lived alone in Texas and it was likely close to 24 hours before a maintenance person on her property gained access to check on her after her phone went dead and no one had heard from her in some time. 

We received a phone call from his aunt and immediately called his mom - within moments I knew she had experienced a stroke from her speech -we knew we needed to head to Texas. As his mother's only child - there was really no one else to step up to care and advocate for her. Arrangements were made for our children and we started the very long drive to Texas. 

The short story is that there really was no way she could continue to live alone. It became evident in the time we were there that she had been struggling for some time and plans needed to be made for her future. At first she was very adamant that she wasn't moving to Florida. Change is scary and a move to a new state topped the fear factor. It was an upheaval of her entire life. However with time and communication she not only agreed, but started to look forward and get excited. She started to tell the people at the hospital she was moving to Florida. 

She and I have always had a special relationship. I find in her a woman who has never processed or learned to deal with emotions - she has spent her entire life avoiding deep relationships because of this, I think. However she is a beautiful soul - generous and loving. Having lived alone for many, many years she had a lot of adjusting to do - as did we. I just talk to her - and that gives her comfort and peace. 

Over the next three weeks while she was in rehab, Mike went back to Texas to clean out her apartment and organize things for her discharge and move to Florida. I started preparing our family for adding a new member and shuffling things around to make room for her. Our 3 bedroom home - has expanded to now have 5 bedroom spaces - creativity at its best. Maris had already been living in the dining room/front study, which Mike beautifully enclosed shortly after we moved into the home. Wyatt has been quite happy with his new space as well - he gave up his bedroom so Grandmomma could be close to the bathroom and have a room of her own. 

And then there was Waldo...

Waldo is our Rhodesian Ridgeback. He's almost 10 years old and from the time he came home as a puppy he was intended to be our son's dog. However, he bonded with me. This was likely due to the fact I did all his training classes and was home with him throughout the day. 

However the day Grandmomma moved in - everything changed. He is now and forever will be her dog. 

There's a slight size difference 

Waldo is not a small dog. Even for ridgebacks he is on the large size and likely outside the breed standard. He's huge - 143 lbs the last time we were at the vet for a pedicure (which he did not agree to and there will be medication for anxiety involved the next time we go). 

From the moment Grandmomma entered our house he attached himself to her. It's like he knew she needed someone to comfort and take care of her. We call him her shadow. They do everything together. He isn't allowed into the bathroom with her - which is fine with him because he isn't a fan of water in general. Though, he waits on the bed or whines outside the door when she's in the shower. He has alerted us when her blood sugar was much too high a few times and regularly braces for her to provide stability. 

Just after she arrived to us, she got very sick and had to be hospitalized for two weeks, followed by 10 days in a rehab facility. During that time, Waldo was going through his own struggles - three surgeries in a week. It was only supposed to be one surgery but there were complications. 

One of the best days she had in the hospital was when I took Waldo up there to see her - the hospital staff also loved his visit. He, however, does not enjoy elevators. He'll go into them with the promise of a treat, but then proceeds to ignore everyone who talks to him on the ride up or down. 

He's perfect bed height for visiting. 
When he was much younger we would go 
to the retirement home close to our house and 
the residents loved him so much. 

These days they are a package deal. He wakes her up in the mornings and they go outside and sit on the back porch for hours. I've planted a container garden on the patio with flowers and vegetables. She sweeps and tidies and it makes her happy. She loves to take pictures with her mobile phone and I help her send them to friends in Texas when she has trouble remembering how to do it. 

Despite our attempts to prevent this bed sharing,
Waldo was so insistent on sleeping with her that we 
had to give into his demands. It was either that or put in a steel 
door - he paws/knocks loudly to announce his entry request. Even gates 
are not a deterrent as he stood outside the gate for hours whining. He must be ON the 
bed with her - they spend many hours a day - two seniors - snoozing and watching
shows on Netflix. He's an expert on Lucifer now. Oh, and she wants him up there
with her - we have already started to talk about what will happen when his time
is at an end in another few years - There will have to be another companion dog in the future. 

Daily Dementia Lessons

    Dementia is difficult. The hardest part has been seeing her go from this mentally sharp and capable human being to someone who struggles with finding words due to her stroke - along with the short term memory and even long term memory challenges. There's an unpredictability that comes with it - some days are wonderful and peaceful and others are moody and irrational. Looking out from the big picture I can see where the warning signs were, behaviors and patterns established years ago that helped edge her closer to this eventuality. However, she retains as much independence as she is due in these golden years of her life and when it's needed we help make decisions and plans - or sometimes it's just reminding her to take her pills. We use a lot of grace, trying to keep our frustrations behind closed doors because not only is it difficult to change behavior patterns that are three quarters of a century in the making, but fussing doesn't produce any positive change. 

    However, we do talk things through in this family - and shutting down and not dealing with emotions is not only negative but destructive to relationships - so this is where I talk with her. Sometimes it has been stern, but almost always it is like teaching a child how to manage their anger, fear and sadness. She hasn't ever lived in a home with lots of children (now teens) underfoot - nor one that strived for emotional maturity and communication over yelling, isolating or ignoring emotions. It's a big ask and she's adapting more and more every day. 

And through it all, her shadow diligently looks out for her. Which reminds me, he's currently reminding her it's time for breakfast! She fed the cats already and he graciously cleaned the plate for them. Now he's wondering where his full breakfast is and why she isn't responding to him. Or he could just be wanting to come check on the cat food plate - maybe he missed a morsel.

A few last words about Waldo - he loves the other animals in our home. He gets along with our cats and even our pet rats in the past. He loved our little dog Tango (who died a few weeks ago). 

Clearly it's a cat bed...

He has a huge head!

We got to meet a fluffy puppy this summer. Waldo was 
very tolerant of the pup's energy. 

It's a tight fit in the van...

Waldo and Beatrice have had a special connection from her first
day home with us - she walked right up to him and rubbed on him with no fear. 

We had pet rats for years and although Ridgebacks are sighthounds, he was 
remarkably well behaved with them - always supervised of course!